Saturday, April 27, 2013

Jason Voorhees vs. Anton Chigurh: Battle and Results

(go to about 4:55 for some good music when the action starts)


Mano’s was one of those small time greasy spoon dinners, sitting just a few hours away from the infamous town of Crystal Lake, New Jersey. It was quiet, non-assuming, and despite the “Open 24/7” sign, illuminated in bright neon colors outside, it turns out very few people had a hankering for their supposedly “World Famous Deluxe Bacon Cheeseburger” at 1:00 am.

In other words, it was the perfect place to discuss a contract killing.

The first man looked completely out of place. It was obvious to dining on roast caviar, not corn beef and hash. He was dressed in a fancy five piece suit had the stiff, uptight look of a corpse who had just walked out of the mortuary. He was sweating visibly, but whether it was from wearing a tux on a warm summer’s night, or the presence of the man across from him, one couldn't tell.

The man across from him… the only way to describe him was off. His face was both blank, and yet at the same time, had an otherworldly feel. It was the kind of face that wouldn't immediately stick out from a crowd, but if you stared at it for two long, it would begin to creep under your skin. He looked like a man who would be equally comfortable in a plush office, negotiating a deal with the corporate sharks as he would be in the inside of a slaughterhouse, which was ironic, as he had done both.   

Neither man seemed to have much of an appetite, and the only waitress unfortunate enough to be working at that time of night had long since stopped pestering them to place their order. The businessman simply sat, staring at his companion as he flipped through a thick manila folder. On the front, a name: JASON VOORHEES.

He took one last one last look at the folder, and then stood, and began to head for the door.

“Wait, where the hell do you think you’re going?” The business man called after him, I thought we had a deal!” The man turned to face him.

“Perhaps I misunderstood the arrangements of our deal. What exactly do you think I do for a living Mr. Norton? You called me here to “find” someone, not an urban legend.”

“Jason Voorhees is no urban legend Mr. Chigurh. Please, sit” He gestured back to the booth across from him.

Anton Chigurh slid back into the booth. “Perhaps I was an little overzealous at rejecting your offer Mr. Norton, but you still haven’t given me a reason why I should search through the back woods to find someone who may or may not exist.”

“Five hundred grand” Norton replied. “I would hope that is reason enough. Half will be provided to you now. The other half when you bring me proof of death.”

“Bringing you proof of death for someone who may or may not exist.” A faint mocking smile found its way onto Chigurh’s lips “Even if Voorhees is real, the legends say he’s immortal.”

“No one’s immortal Mr. Chigurh. You should know that better than anyone else. Besides, that dossier should provide you with everything you need to know.”

There was a silence as Chigurh mulled over the terms.

“The conditions are fair” he finally replied “But if I don’t find anything, then I still receive the other half. That’s non-negotiable”

“Fair enough” Norton smiled. “It’s a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Chigurh.”

He held out his hand. Chigurh didn’t take it.                           

Norton’s smile wavered slightly as Chigurh turned to leave. The businessman called out to him just as he reached the doorway. “Mr. Chigurh, I have some associates who will be accompanying you on this…expedition. I’m sure this won’t be an issue. Will it?”

“Of course not Mr. Norton.” Chigurh replied, much to the executive’s surprise. “Tell your men to meet me outside the camp at six. And their pay…?”

"Their pay…uh, it will not cut into yours, I assure you that.” Norton answered quickly, still surprised at that Chigurh had even agreed to his last request.

“Good” Anton answered curtly. Turning quickly to leave, leaving the confused businessman left to ponder who had really gotten the upper hand in their deal.     
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It was around five o’clock when Anton finally got back to his hotel, just on the outskirts of the town of Crystal Lake. The sign welcoming visitors to the town promised, “A quiet, small town experience that you can’t find anywhere. The only thing it was missing was “Murder Capital of the USA.” No one would have even heard of this hick town if it weren't for the dead bodies and missing persons reports that seemed to pile up around here every few years.

Anton’s room looked like it had been visited by a conspiracy theory nut. Newspaper clippings and blurry photographs covered the walls, except instead of focusing on alien abductions and crop circles they were centered on Camp Crystal Lake’s resident mass murderer. The dossier that Norton had provided him proved to be an excellent aid, but he found there to be a few gaps that he had taken the liberty to fill with some information he had gathered on Voorhees over the past few days. Although he hadn’t known for sure that Jason would be his target when Norton first called the meeting, he had strongly suspected it. Why else meet him so close to this insignificant shithole in the middle of nowhere? Anton neither particularly trusted nor liked his current employer, whom he suspected in having some ulterior motive behind wanting Jason dead. Anton had done his research and gone through all the obvious. Vengeful father who wanted revenge on Voorhees for child’s death? No; and it fact there was little information Anton could find on Norton at all. He had come from seemingly the middle of nowhere, and now controlled one of the largest shipping organizations in the US. Yet as far as his early history went, he was a ghost, and Anton didn’t like working with ghosts, despite being one himself. He was also suspicious as to why Norton wanted his own men to accompany him. A possible betrayal? Anton had already experienced plenty of those. But Norton may have grown suspicious if Anton refused to go with his men, and at the very least they would prove excellent distractors, and if need be, “meat shields” to use against Voorhees. He decided that he could continue to investigate Norton later, maybe after he delivered him his proof, and the further Anton delved into his research, the more he began to realize there was more to Jason Voorhees than backwoods myth. 
For something often considered a simple urban legend, Anton had to admit there was definite proof to back him up. Of course, he had never doubted that there was something out there in the woods, just perhaps not this invincible zombie that all the reports claimed.

Yet there was no risk in being too careful, meaning Anton had spent the past few hours reading up on his zombie lore. Known methods of killing: Decapitation, Dismemberment, Incineration. More of Anton’s notes lay scrawled in shorthand across the room. Plans, back up plans, and back up plans to the backup plans. If what all his findings on Voorhees were true, then this would be the most difficult “hit” of his life. His target was implacable, vicious, and from what some of reports stated, surprisingly cunning, but not without weaknesses…

One interesting report from a young girl who had survived an encounter with Voorhees, said that she had been able to stun Voorhees by wearing his mother’s sweating, convincing him that she was Pamela Voorhees, or at least long enough to put an axe through his shoulder.

Mother seems to be another weakness. Reports say that he still keeps the head in a shrine somewhere in the woods. Also claims that lake itself may be the source of power, and returning him there will immobilize him. Must investigate further.

Anton spun an incendiary bullet absentmindedly between his fingers. These things had cost him an arm and a leg, received from one of his arms dealing contacts in the criminal underworld, but he felt they would be worth it in the long run, if the rumors surrounding Jason’s incredible durability were indeed true.

Anton smiled, a rare sight, and often not good sign for those around him. This would be it. His magnum opus. Killing Voorhees would cement his reputation as a man who could handle work no one else could, and in a funny way, he would be doing a public service. He had been in Crystal Lake for a few days now, gathering information. He had seen how the people moved. They were afraid, afraid of the memory of a long dead old women and her backwoods freak of a son. It was embarrassing quite frankly, and Anton felt ashamed at the cowardice of the people of Crystal Lake. They were busy cowering in fear, letting their lives waste away, almost as quickly as Jason could clean out the Camp’s teenager population.

Then there was Voorhees himself; little better than an animal, killing more based on instinct than anything else. Although Anton did begrudgingly respect Voorhees’ devotion to his dead mother, it still didn’t change the fact that he was simply a rabid dog. And one that had to be put down.
Deciding that he had wasted enough time, and remembering that Norton’s men would be expecting him, Anton gathered his supplies. His hunting rifle, shotguns, sub-machine gun, C4, and pistols (one of which he tucked in his waistband), and some other miscellaneous supplies that might prove useful in the woods. He had decided to leave his cattle gun at home. It had its uses, but not against someone like Voorhees’
He sighed. Whatever lay in store for him at the Camp, it was sure to be a long day.
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A large wooden sign hanging between two posts marked the entrance to Camp Crystal Lake, aka Camp Blood as the locals called it. The sign was indicative of better times, times before Pamela Voorhees and her psychotic son. The red paint on the sign was now faded, and the wood itself warped from lack of care, but those who remembered the days back when the camp was the pride and joy of their town. Those who drove by the camp often stopped to simply look at the sign, but never did any more than that. No one expect curious tourists or dumb teenagers following a bet ever passed through the entranceway.

Thankfully, the four men gathered there now were neither. They were hard men, the type that looked like they had known trouble in their lives and sported the scars to show it. They were armed with military grade shotguns, machine guns, assault rifles, and were also sporting Kevlar vests.

Their leader, a scarred, deeply tanned man named Lennox, loaded his own heavy machine gun and turned to face his men.

“You’ve all been briefed, and know what we’re going up against. Norton just radioed in and his “asset” will be arriving soon. Any further questions?”

“Yeah” One of the men spoke up “Where are the cameras? Pretty sure I saw this shit on the Discovery channel right after some show about bigfoot. Norton can’t honestly think that there’s anything in theses woods can he?”

“What he believes is really none of our business.” Lennox snapped back. “What is though is that he’s paying us weather or not we actually find anything. All the hard work belongs to this “Chigurh.”

“Is that so?”

Lennox and his men whirled around at the voice. Chigurh had appeared behind them, his shotgun slung over his shoulder.

“You really should be more vigilant. Lots of rumors of what lives in those woods.” Chigurh said, a shadow of a smirk lingering at the corners of his mouth.

“You Chigurh?” Lennox asked. His disdain for the hitman was evident in his tone.

“Yes” Chigurh replied, although he wondered who else Norton’s mercenary thought he could possibly be.

“Nice of you to finally arrive. My men will be splitting up into groups fanning out north, east and west through the camp. When we have visual confirmation on Voorhees we’ll radio you, and you can move in to take him out. Understood?”

Chigurh seemed to pay no attention to what Lennox was saying, and began making his way towards the woods. Lennox, a man not used to being ignored, let alone flat out insulted, grabbed Chigurh by the shoulder forcefully.

“Did you not here me?!” Lennox snarled

“I heard you perfectly. But I don’t think you understand who’s in charge here. Norton chose me to do this job not you. You only chose the right, one tool for the job, to do anything else would be foolish. Now why don’t you and your men continue to play good little guns for hire and stay out of my way.”

And with that Chigurh left Lennox and his mercenaries standing at the entrance way, disappearing into the shadows of the woods.
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Anton wove his way through the tightly packed trees, his shotgun leveled out in front of him. He had attached a small flashlight to the front with some duct tape. It made the weight of the gun slightly awkward, but the sun was not quite up yet, and he didn’t want to be at a disadvantage in the still dim light of dawn. He stared down at the map of the camp he had picked up at the local convince store. The man working the register had given him a funny look when he bought it, but one glare from Anton was all it took to keep him from voicing his opinion. Provided the map was right, his destination was not too far away.

Anton was just finishing pushing aside some tree branches with the barrel of his shotgun, when he finally saw it. Jason Voorhees’ shack. The shack itself wasn't on the map obviously. If it was, the police would have come in to tear it down ages ago. But thanks to Norton’s dossier, Anton had managed to pinpoint wear it would be on the local maps. It was a decrepit old thing; made out of old pieces of building materials likely scavenged by Voorhees from the many attempts to fix up the camp over the years. Anton approached with caution, remembering that the dossier had noted that Jason was found of booby traps. Yet there didn't seem to be any from what he could gather; maybe Jason thought no one would be stupid enough to break into his home. Still vigilant, Anton pushed what seemed to be the front door of the shack open.

The first thing that hit him was the smell. Anton had seen quite a few dead bodies in his lifetime, but never so many together in one place. They were strewn across the shack, all in varying stages of decay. Some were simple skeletons with only a vestige of flesh clinging to their bones. Others looked disturbingly fresh. But most eerie of all, was the severed head, no heads, laying on an alter in the center of the room. The first had obviously been there longer, with most of the flesh having been lost to decay and the insects. Anton noticed a strong chemical scent emanating from it. So he’s been preserving it, and not too well either Anton thought. Pamela Voorhees I presume. The second head showed no signs of decomposition, although the skin was completely covered in burn scars. The face looked vaguely familiar, but Anton couldn't quite place it.

Anton took note of the place of the cabin on his map, if he could find his way back to Lennox and the rest of the mercenaries, there was the possibility they could lure Voorhees’ back here, and lead him into an ambush. The details of it were still going through his head when he heard the first gunshots.
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Lennox wanted to scream, that’s how badly things had gone to shit in the last few minutes. He and another member of the group named Jacobson had been moving through the woods when the sound of gunfire and screams sounding over their radios from the other two men Lennox had sent to search the other side of the camp.

“What the hell’s happening?!” Lennox screamed into the radio. “Someone give me a report!”

“He k-killed Gibbons” a voice half sobbed from the other end, another mercenary named, Turken. “Tore him right i-in half. Never s-seen anything l-like it. I lost sight of him now, I think he’s…Oh god please no! No! Aaaaghhhh!!” There was a terrible crunching noise over the other end of the radio, and then Turken’s screams fell silent.

Lennox realized there was no time to wait for Chigurh. Odds weren't very high that he was going to come running to save them now. He signaled to Jacobson to begin moving up a small hill straight ahead. Those gunshots didn't sound like they had come from too far away, so maybe they could corner Voorhees before he slipped away.

Little did Lennox realize that they weren't the hunters here. You don’t challenge an animal to a fight on its 
home turf, and this was most defiantly an animal they were facing here…

Jacobson staggered back suddenly, as if struck, and then seemed to hold perfectly still.

“You alright Jacobson?” Lennox called out to him.

He held still for a second more before his head seemed to roll off his shoulders, and his body collapsed to the ground.

Lennox screamed, more out of shock then actual fear, he whirled around, raising his heavy machine gun towards the trees. The sun was not quite risen yet, and the early morning darkness still cast eerie shadows on the woods.

Suddenly, an explosion of movement appeared to his left, as an massive figure came from seemingly out of nowhere, and sprang towards him. Lennox screamed; a mix of terror and a battle cry, as the gunfire lit up his attacker.

He was the biggest man that Lennox had ever seen, standing well over six feet tall. His skin had a rotted appearance, and a hockey mask covered what remained of his face, a machete in his hands. Even if Lennox had never been briefed on this place, he would still have known who was staring him in the face. Jason Voorhees.

He didn't even flinch as Lennox continued to pour on the machine gun fire, didn't react as it tore huge fleshy chunks from his body. Jason raised the machete as if to strike, but then paused, dropping it to the ground. He would need both hands free for what he wanted to do next  .And then he was on Lennox, his rotting, necrotic, fingers gripping at Lennox’s arms, pulling with an inhuman strength. With a sickening “pop”, Jason tore both of Lennox’s arms from their sockets, their hands still gripped around the heavy machine gun, firing the last of the rounds from the now detached arm’s death grip.

Lennox had barely any time to let out a scream, or really comprehend what was happening to him to him, as Jason swung the machine gun at him like a bat. It connected with his head, taking it clean off his shoulders and sending it flying through the air. It rolled for about two feet after hitting the ground, before finally stopping, leaving Lennox's face buried in the dirt.

Jason stood back from Lennox’s corpse, as if admiring his handiwork. The corpses would look very nice back at the shack, and perhaps he could even add Lennox’s head to his altar. He was just about to start collecting the bodies, when Anton’s first incendiary round took his arm off.

Jason just stared down stupidly at the now charred stump of his arm. The resulting mini-explosion had nearly knocked him off his feet, and it was testament to his durability that he was even still standing at all. Another round hit him square in the chest, this time sending him spinning through the air.
Anton looked up from the scope of his rifle, glad that he had gone back to his vehicle and switched out his shotgun for it. Voorhees was down with only two shots, but he had been briefed on Jason’s love of “playing possum” and he wasn't some moron to stand around gloating over the infamously durable killer’s corpse. Anton put another incendiary round in Jason’s chest as he began to walk down the hill. The body didn't stir.

Anton stopped to inspect the corpse closer. He was as ugly as the stories said; rotted hunks of skins, that in some areas came loose to reveal the bone underneath. Most of the skin in the center of his chest had been torn open from the night's fighting, leaving his insides to glisten in the early morning light. Anton realized that he had become so fascinated with this monster he had forgotten to be surprised he even existed in the first place. He supposed that was a point in favor of backwoods myths everywhere. At least not all of them were bullshit.

Not wishing to waste any more time, he walked over to the machete that Voorhees had left lying a few feet away and picked it up. Transporting the entire body would be a waste of time when all the proof he needed was Jason’s head. He took one last look at Voorhees, suddenly struck with a curiosity to see what lay behind the mask. He bent over to remove it…

Jason shot up with a speed Anton wouldn't have thought a creature his size was capable of. His arm struck out like a sledgehammer, knocking Anton back off his feet. It was a good thing he had rolled with the blow just in time, otherwise Voorhees may have flat out punched a hole through his chest.

He frantically scrambled backwards as Jason advanced menacingly on him. The blow had caused Anton to drop the machete, which Jason had now retrieved; raising it slowly in the air as he prepared to deliver the death blow. Anton’s Remington was still slung over his back, but even if he could ready it in time, the angle was still too awkward to get off a good shot. In desperation, Anton pulled his Glock out of his waistband and unloaded the clip into Voorhees’ head and chest. The killer didn't even react, the tiny 9mm the equivalent of hitting a tank with a flyswatter. Anton realized that he needed to a distraction…

It was then when he saw it, gleaming through the undergrowth. A rusty old beartrap that Jason had apparently set out for intruders. Anton hoped that it still worked as he began to crawl towards it.

“Jason!” Anton called out to the serial killer, who didn't even seem to acknowledge his name, or thankfully the bear trap itself as he kept lumbering along towards it, oblivious to all things but his victim. Anton remembered noting that Voorhees’ relentlessness had the potential to be used against him, and that was exactly what was happening now.

“Is this what Pamela would want Jason? For you to live your life like an animal? A killer?”

At the sound of his mother’s name, Jason stopped, before continuing again, but this had bought Anton the time he needed as he slid past the bear trap, leading Jason right into it. With a sickening metal “crunch”, the jaws of the trap snapped down on Jason’s leg. The killer simply stared at it with the same vacant expression on his face, and bent down to remove it.

This was the opportunity Anton had been waiting for. He sprang to his feet and unslung the rifle from his shoulder. Jason looked up, just in time to receive another incendiary round to the chest. He wasted not a second playing dead this time though, and immediately tried to climb back to his feet. Anton was thoroughly finished playing around, and did exactly what he should have done earlier; he put another incendiary round in the top of Jason’s head, taking half of his face along with it in a shower of gore.

Voorhees swayed, and for a minute, it looked like he still may have been able to stand. But the injuries were beyond even his capacity to take, and he finally collapsed to the ground. Anton sighed, turning away from the body. He only had four incendiary rounds left, and a few more rounds of regular ammo as well. Thankfully, it looked like he would no longer need them, as Voorhees was finally… gone once Anton turned around to check on the body.

Anton had just committed rookie horror movie mistake #13, never turn your back on the killer when you think he’s dead. He never is.

Any normal person would have been shitting their pants right now, but Anton hadn’t gotten to be one of the most dangerous hitmen it the world be being coward, and even now he was staying remarkably calm, already formulating a strategy.

He has the advantage now. Come after him and he can pick me off anytime he wa…

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrow hitting the tree next to him, just inches away from his head. At this he did swear, for it was nearly impossible to track the arrows, even as the sun was now beginning to illuminate the trees around him. He cursed himself for leaving his tracer ammunition in his vehicle, not thinking he would need it to hunt Voorhees by daylight.

Another arrow whisked past his head then, and not wasting time with even bothering to try and pull off a shot against a target he couldn't see, he began rushing down the hill, hoping that Jason’s aim was poor against a moving target. He occasionally felt a rush of air go by his head and chest, realizing that for someone so slow, Jason was somehow keeping pace with him; and he wasn't a poor shot against moving targets at all. It was only the greatest amount of luck that had saved Anton from a potentially fatal arrow. Perhaps in a more peaceful time, Anton could have reflected on why such a man as himself was graced with such amazing luck.
With a sudden crash Anton broke through the trees, and finally reached where he had hoped all his running would take him: Crystal Lake. The lake itself stretched out in front of him, crisp, dark blue waters that had an air of menace to them. They were after all, the origin of the monster chasing him now. But Chigurh remembered his notes: Also claims that lake itself may be the source of power, and returning him there will immobilize him.

Anton quickly rushed down to the dock ahead, desperate to find some cover from Voorhees’ bow. He noted a pile of neatly stacked old canoes, the woods warped from years of going unused. Anton took cover behind these, and trained his rifle on the tree line, expecting Jason to come bursting through any second now.

One minute went by, and then two. Where the hell is he? Chigurh thought. He question was answered a few seconds later by the spear that suddenly came whizzing past his head and embedded itself into the wood of the canoe next to him. He whirled around just in time to see that Jason had appeared behind him, dropping the now empty spear gun to the ground, and advancing on him with his machete. His head was surprisingly almost completely healed, with only a small hole at the top where what Anton would have to guess was brain matter (or as much as Jason actually had), leaked out the top. His signature hockey mask lay in ruins; only a small piece of it remained to cover the lower part of his face. The rest of it was now revealed to the world.

Anton dodged to the side as Voorhees swung wildly, leaving the machete embedded in the wood by at least an inch. As Jason moved to free it, Anton pushed the stack of canoes towards the hockey masked killer, causing them to fall on top of him with a titanic crash.

Of course if Anton expected this to trap Jason, he had sorely underestimated his target. Voorhees rose from the tangled mess of canoes, causing several of them to go spinning through the air in his rage. With his superhuman strength, he lifted one of the canoes above his head and swung it at Anton. It hit the assassin square in the chest, sending him flying through the air before landing at the very edge of the pier.

Anton groaned as he struggled to regain his footing on the dock. His vision had gone partially blurry, and his chest -already in pain from where Jason had struck him earlier- felt like it was on fire. He was dimly aware of Jason advancing on him, machete once again in hand. It seemed like that no matter what Anton did to Voorhees, he simply kept on coming, while even a casual hit from Jason had the potential to cripple him.

Then he remembered the main strategy he had come up with during his hours of prep: Must try to destroy legs, it will keep him immobilized. Mentally shoving his pain aside, Anton climbed to his feet, and took aim with his rifle. This time though, he didn't even bother wasting his time with a chest or head shot.

Boom, Boom!

Two incendiary rounds later and Voorhees was left with both of his legs gone, what remained of them just bloody chunks covering the dock. With great satisfaction Anton used his second to last incendiary round to destroy Jason’s right arm, sending his machete skittering across the dock.

Anton was just about to use the last one on Jason’s left arm, when he stopped. He had suddenly a much better idea for it. He walked back over to the canoes, and upon rummaging through some the supplies lying around the dock, found some old, rusty chains. Grabbing that and one of the canoes he had knocked over, he dragged them over to the still moving Jason; who was now trying to drag his now otherwise limbless body over to his machete with his remaining good arm.

Anton brought his foot down hard on place where elbow met arm, and was rewarded with a satisfying crack as he broke Jason’s left arm. With the hockey mask killer now mostly subdued, Anton began wrapping him up in the chains, and with a grunt of effort, loaded his body into the canoe. He pushed the canoe into the lake, and waiting several minutes so that it was far enough out, he finally took aim and fired his last incendiary round into the boat, leaving a fist sized hole in the bottom. Water began rushing in, and Anton watched, pleased that after a minute or two the boat slipped beneath the surface. He had no idea whether the undead could float or not, but it didn't matter. Those heavy chains would make sure that Jason was dragged down to the very bottom.

Anton stopped, realizing it was finally over. Jason was certainly the toughest target he had ever taken down, but he was now finally at peace, and Anton could finally get paid. He then realized with some irritation that he had no actual proof that Jason was dead. The only thing remaining was his machete. Norton certainly wasn't going to shell over 500 grand for a machete with some blood on it.

Then Anton realized there was something that he could use as proof: the head of Pamela Voorhees. Jason would never let anyone leave the camp with his mother’s head alive, and Norton had the resources at his disposal to do a DNA check and confirm that the head was legit.

Anton began making his way back to the shack, not bothering to look back at the lake. Which was a shame, because if he did, he would have noticed the ripples gathering on the surface…
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The sun was high in the sky by the time Anton reached the shack, as ugly in the morning light as it was in the dark. Anton had driven his vehicle up from its hiding place in the woods to just outside the shack, and had swapped out his nearly deleted rifle and Glock for his Remington 11-87 shotgun and Tec-9 pistol. Although Voorhees was gone, no one ever died from being too careful.

The head of Pamela Voorhees was right where he last saw it, still sitting on that creepy shrine, next to the head of the man Anton still couldn't quite place. Anton reached down to grab it, when suddenly he saw a silhouette appear in the doorway. His instincts kicked in, and he hurled himself to the floor. Just in time too, if his head had been there a second longer it would have been on the receiving end of the axe that Jason had just thrown at him.

He turned around. Jason was clutching his machete, which Anton realized he had foolishly just left sitting on the dock. His legs and arms were fully regenerated, and he looked pissed as hell. He fixed Anton with what the hitman could only imagine was glare of hatred. He was drooling from the mouth like some kind of wild animal.

Anton simply laid the head on the floor, and then, putting all his force behind it, smashed down on it with his foot, squashing it like an rotten piece of fruit.

It was on.

Jason charged the hitman, who was already letting loose with his shotgun. The blast should have knocked him off his feet, but I the blinding rage that now possessed him, it didn’t even slow him down. He knocked the shotgun from Anton’s hands, sending it flying across the room. Anton ducked to the side as Jason lashed out with his machete. He didn't even bother going for his Tec-9; if his shotgun wasn't going to stop Jason that sure as hell wasn't. He then noticed the axe that Jason had thrown at him earlier, still stuck in the wall of the shack. Anton ran over to it and pulled it free.

They clashed in the center of the room, Anton’s skill and speed being countered by Jason’s strength and durability. Anton took a swing right for Jason’s neck, but overextended himself. Jason saw the opportunity, and swung the machete right at the axe's handle, severing it. Left with only the broken handle, Anton tried desperately to stab it into Jason’s eye, but the hockey masked killer didn't even seem to notice. Jason lashed out again, Anton throwing himself to the side but receiving a nasty blow for his efforts, sending him to his knees. He tried to climb to his feet, but received another cut, this time right across his back.

Anton felt the floor becoming slippery with his blood, his vision blurring. But even in this haze, one last plan came to mind. This one involving the C4 that still lay in the trunk of his car…

He staggered to his feet and rushed out the shack door. Even in his injured state he was still faster than
Jason. Voorhees barreled after him, but Anton seemed to have disappeared into the woods. Jason was still wondering where he could have gone, when Anton’s car came hurtling out of the woods right into him, knocking his machete out of his hand. Just movements before the car crashed into the shack, Anton leaped out of the driver’s side door, the forward momentum of the car carrying it, and Jason, directly through the front wall of the shack. Anton clambered to his feet, and pulled out the remote detonator for the C4. With a slight smile, he pushed down on the trigger.

The cabin erupted in a massive fireball, the heat and force of it nearly knocking Anton off his feet. There’s no chance that even he could have survived that. No chance at al...

Anton saw the wreckage of the shack move.

Jason Voorhees pulled himself out of the rubble, or more precisely dragged himself out. His right arm and leg were gone, torn off in the explosion. His left leg lay bent uselessly off to the side, and it was only his left arm that was allowing him to drag himself across the ground towards Anton.

Anton picked up Jason’s dropped machete, and walked towards him. Standing over Voorhees, Anton could finally see the killer in some detail. Most of the skin had been blasted off his face, revealing the skull underneath. His eyes had an almost sad look to them, one was partially melted across his face leaving it to run down his cheek like jelly. Jason raised his arm to Anton, almost as if a plea for mercy. It was at that moment Anton saw Jason as the little boy he had been, turned into this monster by a cruel world.

He saw, and he didn’t care either. A job was a job. Anton bent over him as he raised the machete over his head.

“Nothing personal, but the moneys good”

He brought the machete down.
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“Very impressive Mr. Chigurh! Very impressive indeed!”

Norton seemed absolutely ecstatic as Anton presented him with Jason Voorhees’ head. They had agreed to the meeting place, on a dirt road just outside of Crystal Lake. He didn't seem the least bit upset at the fact the entire mercenary team that he had sent in there with Anton had died either. Anton supposed it wasn't surprising. Men like Norton could always hire more after all.

“Your other half of the money, as agreed upon” Norton said handing Anton a silver metal briefcase, which Anton opened briefly, before putting it in his car.

“Aren’t you going to count it?” Norton asked

“Do I need to?

“Well no…”

“Good.” Anton replied, and without speaking another word to the businessman, he climbed into his car and drove off.

Norton stood there for another moment. He had never told Anton that he had given his mercenaries orders to kill him once he finished off Jason. In a way, he was glad that Chigurh had survived; he had proven himself a capable fighter, and was worthy of the trails yet to come. His master would be pleased.
Yes… he though More trials, perhaps even a tournament…

Epilogue, Camp Crystal Lake

The headless corpse of Jason Voorhees lay were Anton had left it. No scavenger dared come near it. If you looked at it the right way, you could even swear it moved, but no just a trick of the light.

But he would be back. He always came back.

Winner: Anton Chigurh!

*Note*: I decided to take up Mark's grading system for this fight, and will likely continue to do so for all future fights. Its much simpler to use and likely more accurate then my previous system.

Large Edge: 1.5 points
Medium Edge: 1 point
Small Edge: .5 points

Scoring:
Long Range: Small Edge Anton
Medium Range: Large Edge Jason
Short Range: Medium Edge Anton
Special 1: Large Edge Jason
Special 2: Large Edge Anton  
Tactics: Medium Edge Anton
Training: Tie
Moral/Motivation: Small Edge Anton
Experience: Medium Edge Jason
Weaknesses: Medium Edge Anton (Jason gets one point detracted from his score)
+1 point to Anton for monopolyman voting for him

Final Scores: Jason: 3 points
Anton: 5.5 points

Well Jason is certainly a powerful supernatural foe, one thing caused this fight to fall into Anton's favor: prep. With his prep time, he was able to use his intelligence to employ Jason's many weaknesses against him, and was able to come up with strategies that allowed him to counter Jason's terrain advantage, and avoid all of Jason's fairly predictable strategies. Jason may have killed a lot more than Anton, but very few of those people ever actually tried using intelligent tactics against him

Well feel free to give me any feedback on the fight. Positive, negative, it's all welcome.

As for my next fight, we return to the realm of history, as two of the deadliest snipers the world has ever seen face off.

       
  Simo Hayha

VS.
 Vasily Zaytsev

WHO IS DEADLIEST?!!

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Jason Voorhees vs Anton Chigurh: The Edges



Long Range- Homemade Hunting Bow vs. Remington 700 Bolt Action Rifle

At first this seems like an obvious comparison. A bow vs. a gun? There’s a reason that humans traded in bows for guns as the primary weapon of war hundreds of years ago. And yes, from a pure technical standpoint the rifle is the better weapon. It’s going to cause more damage when it hits, and can also be used at a longer range than Jason’s bow. However, the bow does have a few advantages that are important to note. First off, there is the factor of stealth, especially combined with Jason’s knowledge of the terrain. Although the path of an arrow is easier to track than that of a bullet, the muzzle flash and bang of the rifle is going to make it easier for Jason to locate Anton’s position than Anton can do likewise, especially if Anton uses his incendiary/tracer ammunition. Jason’s accuracy is going to be superior as well. Well Anton is more used to fighting at a range than Jason is, when Jason does get a ranged weapon in his hands, he has performed considerably more impressive shots than Anton did in NCFOM. He can place an axe dead center in the back of a moving target, and the fact that he can throw a freaking machete accurately alone is impressive.

But the problem is that Jason rarely uses ranged weapons at all. He’s almost primarily a melee fighter, and I doubt that he’s going to have the patience to engage Anton in a prolonged shootout. If he did, I think his superior durability and accuracy (plus his ability to ambush Anton through terrain knowledge) would eventually give him the edge after a brief fight. Most likely though, he’s going to take a few shots at Anton, ditch the bow, and try to close the distance on foot. This might not turn out so badly if he sticks to the trees and does the old “I’m right behind you” horror movie trick, but if he does his usual slow walk straight towards Anton he’s going to find himself riddled with bullets. Jason’s tough but there’s still an amount to how much abuse he can take, and wearing himself down before he gets in range of Anton’s shotguns is defiantly something he doesn’t want to do, but is probably going to do anyway, netting Anton the edge here.


Edge: Anton Chigurh

Mid-Range: Machete vs. Glock 19 Pistol, Intratec TEC-9 "Assault Pistol", and Uzi Submachine Gun

Another seemingly obvious edge, but not in the way you would expect. Anton is packing two pistols and a submachine gun. Jason, his trademark machete. At first the edge would seem to belong to the guy with three guns over basically what’s a big knife. But…Anton is going to run into one big problem here, his ammunition. All three of those guns fires the puny 9x19 millimeter round. That’s hardly a man stopper, and its defiantly not going to stop a super zombie who can shrug off heavy machine gun fire like your throwing candy at him. The glock lacks the ammo capacity of its counterparts; the Tec-9 is slightly better, as the right kind of magazines can hold up to fifty rounds, but it still suffers from only being semi-auto, although considering Anton would technically be using a variant from pre 1994, he could possibly convert it to full auto. His best gun at this range will be the Uzi, as the ammo it can put out at 600 rpm could do some damage to Jason, but its mostly going to be a spray and pray option. It doesn’t have either the precision of the rifle, or stopping power of the shotguns. Overall, I don’t see Anton being able to keep Jason at arm’s length with any of his guns. Jason’s stealth advantage on the other hand will allow him to get into machete range very quickly if he’s careful The machete will be very devastating to Anton if it hits; even a glancing blow from someone like Jason could kill him very easily, and a direct hit will flat out cut him in half. Combine this with the *surprise* factor of a thrown machete, and the odds favor Jason at this range.

Edge: Jason Voorhees


Short-Range: Axe vs. Remington 11-87 & Beretta 390 Shotguns
This is where things get interesting, as this is another guns vs. melee weapon comparison, although not as lopsided as the last one. Jason is deadly with that axe, and like the machete can throw it as well. A good swing from someone of his strength could seriously mess Anton up, even if the axe itself isn’t as good a weapon as the machete. It’s not quite as versatile as the machete is, and has less of a “killing surface”, meaning that it will be easier for Anton to avoid getting hit with the blade of the axe, than he would the blade of the machete.

Anton on the other hand is bringing one of the few guns that has actually been known to affect Jason. While he’s never been killed by a shotgun, they’ve still been known to knock him back, as shown by his scuffle with Sheriff Garris in part 6. And knocking Jason back is exactly what Anton needs to do, as he’s going to need to be close to Anton to actually use the axe properly. True a surprise axe throw may catch Anton off guard, but if it fails he’s just disarmed himself, and is now in range of Anton’s best weapons. And 12 gauge shotgun shells + incendiary ammo= deep s@#t for Jason, even with his durability.

Edge: Anton Chigurh

 Special 1: Spear Gun vs. Bolt Cattle Gun
I shouldn’t need to go into too much depth here. The cattle gun was not designed as a real weapon, it’s an execution tool. In the amount of time it would take Anton to drag the air tank up to Jason, and press the nozzle to his head, Jason would kill him. That and I don’t think that a force equal to a .22 caliber bullet to the skull would kill Jason, or even disorient him at all. Jason has proven to be deadly accurate with the spear gun, and a single hit from that weapon could ruin Anton’s day.

Edge: Jason Voorhees


Special 2: Tactical aid for both sides here; let’s look at Jason’s first. The bear trap is nasty tool, one that won’t get very many kills by itself, but will lead up to many deaths if Anton isn’t careful. If he gets his foot caught he’s essentially lost the fight already, as he’s just become even slower than Jason, and even if he managed to pry his foot out of the trap somehow, He’s not going any where in a hurry. If Anton's perceptive though, odds are not very high that he's going to get caught by one of these.

With prep, he'll know that Jason is fond of using booby traps, and will likely be on the lookout. Even if Jason manages to camouflage the traps with any of the Camp’s shrubbery, it may not be enough.
Anton’s prep time gear on the other hand is more varied, powerful, and will see a greater effect on the battle overall. I tried to limit the gear as much as possible to avoid ridiculous scenarios in which prep alone wins battles (i.e. Anton somehow gets a nuke, nukes Camp Crystal Lake from a few miles away.) I don’t think its out of the question for Anton to gain access to a some C4 and incendiary/tracer ammunition given that he’s an experienced hitman, who likely has underworld contacts. C4 and incendiary are both going to do a number on Jason and the cauterizing of the burns may slow down his regeneration. Tracer ammo will be useful for highlighting Jason’s position if he tries to snipe Anton from afar, although this would give away Anton’s position as well.

No surprise that the edge goes to Anton. His gear is practically guaranteed to have an effect on this battle, and he’s packing weapons strong enough to seriously hurt or even kill Jason.

Edge: Anton Chigurh


Tactics: Both fighter make use of stealth tactics, and are surprisingly creative at times. In terms of stealth Jason is better, as that’s his only real strategy. Anton is very good at stealth, being able to slip away from Llewellyn Moss when he was seemingly trapped behind a car. But Jason regularly preforms seemingly impossible stealth feats like being able to suddenly appear in rooms behind people, when he was seen outside the door just seconds. His terrain advantage will be huge here, as if Anton’s not careful he’s quickly going to find himself outmaneuvered and murdered like your average F13th
But the problem for Jason is that he has almost no strategies besides stealth. He almost always relies on the old *slow walk, bullet sponge, stabby, stabby* routine to get close to his enemies. When his stealth fails that’s all he does. Anton on the other hand is a very adaptable fighter, and despite never having faced an enemy quite like Jason, his greater intelligence and prep will allow him to run circles around Jason’s “berserker” strategies

Edge: Anton Chigurh

Training: Neither fighter has had any formal training. Jason has basically been living in the woods his entire life, and picked up the skills he needed through experience. Anton is just a hitman, not exactly known for great training methods. Yes some hit men in fiction are ex-special forces and the like, but Anton would never make it past psych evaluations for most militaries. He might have worked for organized crime at one point, but they don’t exactly train their members well.

Edge: Even

Morale/Motivation: Both are highly motivated killers, known for their relentless attitudes and never stomping until their intended victim is dead at their feet. Jason will be urged on by Anton invading his home; Anton by the thrill of killing a tough opponent, and the increase to his reputation that killing Jason will cause. At first I was going to declare this a tie…but this edge belongs narrowly to Anton. Why? Jason has shown to be very easily manipulatable by using his motivations against him. Even Friday the 13th teens mange to do it occasionally, and Freddy had him fooled for a good portion of Freddy vs. Jason. Anton has the advantage of prep, a greater intelligence than Freddy, or the average Friday the 13th  teen, and access to Jason’s strongest  motivator (Pamela’s head). I don’t remember Anton’s relentlessness ever being used against him, so he takes this edge

Edge: Anton Chigurh       

Experience: This is kinda a quantity vs. quality scenario. Jason’s most common foes are the living embodiment of the “too dumb to live” trope, and rarely manage to fight back (or at least effectively). Experience against Freddy and Tina may not be much help here, as they fight in a completely different way than Anton does. The only opponent that may truly prepare Anton is Tommy Jarvis, who proved that even if you’re human, with enough intelligence, creativity, and knowledge on how Jason operates you can take him down. Jason also has some occasional experience against the military and paramilitary forces, who while surprisingly displayed less competence than a kid with no real combat experience, still have prepared Jason for going up against trained killers with lots of guns.

Anton’s common enemies were mostly sheriff Bell and the local police force, Moss, Carson Wells, and some Mexican gangsters. So not exactly a SEAL team, but better than the enemies Jason regularly goes up against. And Anton did manage to outwit them all, being one of the few villains I can remember “winning” his movie. Still, his lack of experience against supernatural enemies is going to hurt him here, as even with prep he may be surprised the first time Jason shrugs off a shotgun blast. That and Jason has been killing for a lot longer and has in all likelihood killed a lot more than Anton has. Even if  we assumed that Anton, who should be in his late 30’s or so, has been killing for most of his adult life, I don’t think he would match Jason, as despite the collateral damage he caused in NCFOM, most hitmen don’t go out of their way to kill people that aren’t their assigned target. To put it in contrast, Richard “The Iceman” Kuklinski, one of the most infamous hitmen in history, claimed to have killed over two hundred people, and many people believe he was exaggerating on those figures. Even if he wasn’t, he would still be an exception, and even if Anton can match those numbers he would still be off Jason’s overall kill count (factoring in movies, comics, and books) by about a hundred or so.

Edge: Jason Voorhees

Weaknesses: I think I covered Jason’s various weaknesses pretty well already, so I’ll take a look at Anton’s. The only three real weaknesses that he really has are his lack of experience dealing with supernatural foes, his terrain disadvantage, and his durability (as compared to Jason). I actually think the terrain might be the most damming of the three. There’s always the possibility that Jason will use the knowledge of the terrain to take Anton out before he has a real chance to fight back, but prep might help with this  a little, and Anton’s a little more perceptive against being snuck up on then F13th teens.

I think this edge belongs to Anton, as he can plan his strategies around Jason’s various weaknesses (the lake, Pamela’s head). I don’t think Jason is quite smart enough to use Anton’s biggest disadvantage against him to the fullest, which hurts him here.

Edge: Anton Chigurh

Now that these to maniacs have been evaluated, only one thing remains...the battle itself. Who will the winner be? The mass murderer extraordinaire, whose left a triple digit body count of anyone foolish enough to enter his home? Or the remorseless hitman, who matches his opponents durability, with his own cold, intellect? There will be blood. There will be guts. But in the end only one will emerge as THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!






And coming soon...